Breathe In. Breathe Out.
Find someone whom you don’t have to change at all. It is much easier to find someone who is already the way you want him or her to be, instead of trying to change that person. Also, that person must love you just the way you are, so he or she doesn’t have to change you at all. If others feel they have to change you, that means they really don’t love you just the way you are.
A while back due to lust, massive crush, butterflies, whatever you want to call it, I found all of my energy in my heart and chest. Butterflies in your stomach is fun, but when it turns into energy and pressure in your chest I think that’s called anxiety.
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I have written so many things that I just haven’t posted and now if I posted those essays they would all be crossed out. So rather than posting a bunch of crossed out words I’ll talk about right here right now. Long story short… moving back to CA after living in NYC for 8 years is hard. (note the present tense even after 4 months). And these 4 months have been such a roller coaster of highs and lows, laughs and tears, adventures and solitude.
It is so easy to get caught up on silly problems, and sure everything is relative, but I’ve gotta take a step back. It’s sort of in my personality to dwell and obsess and maybe it’s the Virgo in me… but I’m a perfectionist. And sometimes I have to actively stop myself from dwelling too much (thank you first therapist!) and spiraling and texting every friend to entertain my stress.
I went to Burning Man. This post isn’t about naked Thursday or watching endless sunrises (unfortunately). It’s about a very simple lesson learned. Burning Man is this magical made up city created by you and me with hundreds of art installations, hundreds of camps offering pancakes and hotdogs and bloody mary’s, 70,000 people, lots of dust, and even more love.
I was having a slightly stressful day the other day. I’m currently in this really exciting life transition, but with transitions comes the unknown. Where will I work? Where will I live? What am I doing with my life?! These are pretty big questions that if not broken down can spiral you into an anxious ball. The other day I had “a day”.
“Stop. Breathe it in!” I kept saying on a recent trip. So I quit my job and jetted to Europe for a month (another story) and as I escaped and landed in Europe I just stopped doing and let myself breathe. Usually, people leave jobs and already have a job lined up. This time around I forced myself to just stop, not take the next thing that pops up and is easy, and just let myself take a step back and figure out what I REALLY want to do with my life. (sidenote: saving is important!)
Have you cried in savasana? I feel like there is something so freeing and safe about savasansa… but it also feels a bit weird sobbing laying down in a silent room. I’ll never forget my last yoga class with Ally Hamilton at Bryan Kest Power Yoga before I moved east in July 2009. I sobbed.
